butterflies?

It's that feeling you get in your stomach when you're about to find out the result of something you had been waiting for a long time.
You're afraid to find out so you would postpone if you could, but you know you're eventually going to have to face it, so you also want to just be done with it.
It's worse in the morning when you first wake up. You don't really have time to try and talk some sense into yourself; the emotion is naked. It's right there, inside of you.
You try and act like it's not there. You try and go through the day as if nothing is wrong, as if something isn't eating away the walls of your stomach, as if your hands aren't getting sweaty.
But it's there.
And you know it.
And you feel it.
Some people call it butterflies. But butterflies are beautiful creatures, and this feeling is nothing close to anything beautiful. 

The last time I had it was a day ago when I left home.
But it didn't start yesterday.
No. It starts a few days in advance, which is what makes it harder.

I tried spending my last few days by making the most of them, but that feeling made it extremely difficult.

And then yesterday at the airport, it moved from my stomach to the bones in my nose. They were sizzling as I tried holding back my tears.
My mom and my grandma were tearful, so I tried to hold back mine so theirs wouldn't grow louder and stronger.

But it's hard.
Leaving home? It's definitely the second hardest thing I had to do in my life.

And yet again, it is when I leave home that I realize the importance of having one, and the pleasure of counting back the days until I go back to it...